


losing your memory

by heismysoulmate



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Inspired by Music, Loneliness, Memory Loss, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-13 09:11:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21241679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heismysoulmate/pseuds/heismysoulmate
Summary: "This shouldn't be happening.Leo was looking at Elliot lying unconscious in the hospital bed, trying to understand why everything went so bad.It wasn't supposed to be like this."





	losing your memory

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone is wondering, it was inspired by ryan star's "losing your memory" (and me being sad)

This shouldn't be happening.

Leo was looking at Elliot lying unconscious in the hospital bed, trying to understand why everything went so bad.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"It's gonna be okay," Gilbert said, when Leo started walking around the room, too worried to sit still. "He will wake up."

Gilbert and Oz were calm and sure everything will be fine. Or at least they seemed to be. Because now, when Vessalius went to get some water for them, Leo could see that Elliot's older brother is getting nervous, without his friend to keep his mind busy. Maybe when they were repeating that 'Elliot is a fighter.' and 'He'll surely wake up.' they were trying to convince themselves too.

But they didn't see it... How hard he got hit on the head _(Leo could swear he heard the sound of his skull cracking, even if doctors told them that it wasn't damaged)_, the blood _(it was so much of it)_, how he fell to the ground and wasn't moving for the entire time that Leo was waiting for an ambulance to come.

Baskerville opened his mouth to say something, but then the person on bed started moving, and he froze. Gilbert, on the other hand, got closer to his brother.

"Elliot? Hey, Elliot. Can you hear me?"

Boy murmured something that sounded like older Nightray's name, and then opened his eyes.

Gilbert looked relieved when he smiled, and brushed hair from his brother's forehead.

"Welcome back, Elliot."

"Gilbert?" He looked confused. "What happened?"

"You're in the hospital. Leo brought you here, do you remember?"

Elliot's eyes started searching the room, to recognise that indeed, he wasn't in his own bed, and then his eyes landed on Leo, still standing few steps away.

When their eyes met, Leo felt relief so big that he was afraid he might just fall down.

Everything was good.

At least for a moment, because next words pierced him like daggers.

"Are you this Leo guy? I have no idea what happened, but I probably just got in another fight. Sorry for the trouble, dude."

Leo took a shaky step back.

"What do you mean?" Gilbert looked between them, worried. "That's-"

This is the moment Oz chose to come back.

"Listen guys, I... Omg, Elliot, you're alive!" He beamed at boy in bed, that was looking at him with furrowed brows.

The last thing Leo heard was "What are you doing here, runt?", before he muttered something that he has to go, and run out from there.

He remembered Gilbert.

He remembered Oz.

But not him.

Leo felt sick to his stomach, and when he was already outside, he had to stop and start taking big, heavy breaths, because he felt like he might start vomiting.

Because his best friend forgot about him.

***

Elliot remembered everyone. Even Alice, and Sharon, with whom he never spent too much time.

Doctors told them, that it might be due to the fact that Leo was with him when his best friend was injured, because he didn't remember the incident either.

They weren't sure if he's ever gonna remember.

So Leo asked everyone to not tell Elliot the truth.

They were trying to argue and convince him, but Baskerville was unyielding.

He didn't want Elliot to remember. After all it was his fault, that it ended up like that.

And maybe Leo wasn't just worth remembering. Maybe he wasn't important enough.

So he won't burden his best friend with his existence anymore. He'll stay away from Elliot, and let him live in peace.

He'll have Gilbert and Oz, and maybe he'll meet some new friends, now that Leo won't be dragging him down.

Elliot will be fine.

_And what about you?_ Some quiet voice in his head asked.

But Leo didn't have answer to that.

***

Baskerville knocked twice, and waited for someone to open the door.

"Leo," Gilbert seemed surprised to see him, but he still smiled.

"I came to take my things."

"Your things?"

"Yeah, I left some of my stuff in his room. So I thought I should come and get it now, when he's not home."

Leo knew that right now Elliot was at school. He should be too, but... he couldn't bring himself to go there.

"Oh... Sure, come in."

"Thanks," Leo muttered.

Older Nightray was the only person that seemed to quite understand how he was feeling. He asked only once if he's sure he doesn't want to tell Elliot the truth, and when Leo confirmed, he wasn't bugging him.

So when they were climbing the stairs, he thought that Gilbert wouldn't ask unnecessary questions. Maybe that's why Baskerville dared to ask.

"How is he doing?"

"Physically he's perfectly fine. He even insists on coming back to his fencing lessons, but we're not letting him. Despite that, he didn't remember."

Leo didn't answer. He was expecting that.

"But..." Gilbert threw him a side glance, maybe wondering if he should tell this. "I tried to talk to him, about the accident. He told me he only remembers one thing. That he was protecting something precious to him."

"Oh..."

Thankfully they were already at the door to Elliot's room, so Leo didn't have to answer that. He wouldn't even know how, with the lump in his throat.

"I'll leave you to it. If you need something, I'm gonna be in the living room, okay?"

Baskerville nodded, and when man disappeared at the end of the corridor, he took a deep breath and entered the room.

He tried to not look too much around. If he did, and started remembering all those days he spent in this room with his best friend, he would break down.

So Leo just got his backpack and started packing all things he remembered he left here, grateful for the fact that Elliot was an organized guy, always leaving everything in the same place. And even if for others it looked like a mess, Leo knew him good enough to know where to look for what.

He was almost done, but he was sure that Nightray had one of his books here _(he was swearing he's gonna read it, after Leo was pestering him, that he's not reading anything beside Holy Knight)_, but it wasn't on his shelf.

Boy started looking for it.

He was looking through papers on the desk, when he saw some sheet music. And he recognised them immediately.

It was the song he wrote for Elliot's last birthday.

He was looking at the sheets for a moment, before he shoved them to his backpack with shaking hands.

When Leo finally found the book (it was next to bed, as if it was left there to be read before sleep), he went down. But before he had a chance to go and tell Gilbert he was leaving, the front door opened.

Oz and Elliot entered, talking animatedly.

Leo turned his gaze away from them.

He couldn't... Normally, he would be at the other side of Elliot, stopping two friends from getting too deep into their arguments.

"Oh, hey, Leo!" Oz seemed to only notice him now. "What are you doing here?"

Before he had a chance to say anything, Gilbert also came, probably lured by their voices.

"You guys are back already?"

"Yeah, they cancelled last classes," Elliot explained.

"Hey, Leo, you're gonna stay, right?" He knew Oz was looking at him. He could feel those green eyes boring into him.

"I was just leaving," he murmured.

"But, I-"

"Oz..." Gilbert shook his head to stop boy from speaking. Leo was grateful.

He just said a quick goodbye, before leaving as fast as he could.

When he came back to his empty house, he was clenching his fists at sheets, wanting to destroy them, but not able to do so, and letting tears flow from his eyes, thinking how much he missed the boy he wrote them for.

***

"Leo, it can't be like that!"

He already regretted he opened the door for Oz.

"What do you mean?" boy asked, not letting emotions show on his face.

"You have to talk with Elliot."

"I already told you I won't."

"And I'm not accepting it! You miss him, I know you do..."

He was getting into dangerous waters.

Vessalius was really persistent, and Leo didn't want to let boy convince him.

"Why do you even care? It's none of your problems."

"What do you mean? I'm your friend, so of course it's my problem when you're hur-"

"We're not friends."

Oz blinked slowly, looking at him.

"We're just two people who met through someone called 'Elliot'. You're quite mistaken thinking we were friends through him. Because I don't know a thing about you, and now that he's gone from my life there's nothing connecting us anymore."

"Shut up, Leo!" Those determined eyes... Elliot used to wear that look a lot too. "Of course we are friends. I care about you, not only because of Elliot. And you're saying that only because you want to detach yourself from us, so you can avoid Elliot, when you can just talk to him and explain, maybe help him remember."

"I told you I don't want that."

"You do, you just pretend-"

"It's better that way!" Leo didn't want to scream that. But he couldn't stop himself. Oz didn't understand his situation in the slightest, and he thought he can just come here and give him some psychological talk? "He's safer without me! Don't forget it was my brother who caused all of this. If Elliot wasn't protecting me from Glen none of this would happen. So why should I put him at risk again?"

"Leo, it's not your fault..."

"But it happened because of me! And I'm not gonna let it happen again. His safety is the most important."

"And what about your happiness?" Oz asked softly.

"I'm happy when he's safe," Baskerville said, even if his heart was aching, wanting to agree with boy, and go and talk with Elliot.

"It-"

"He doesn't want to remember, and I don't want him to remember, so why can't you accept it?!"

There was a silence for a moment.

"Maybe I was a little too nosy."

Leo sighed, because Oz sounded like he felt really guilty.

"I know you wanted well, but let me decide for myself what's best for me, okay?"

"Sorry, Leo."

"Just take care of this idiot for me, will you?"

"You don't even need to ask."

Leo smiled weakly, and then he and Oz bumped their fists.

That was actually the last time Leo saw him.

***

Soon after that conversation with Oz, Leo took some things, he knew he would need the most, and left.

He knew he was a coward, and running probably won't solve his problems. But he wanted to try to start over. Away from his friends, from his family, somewhere away from Elliot and all their shared memories.

Leo wrote a letter, in which he explained that he needed some alone time to deal with things, and that he's sorry.

He used all his savings to rent a small flat, few towns away. He found job at the bookstore. And he was living peacefully.

Until almost three years later.

He was coming back home in the late evening when he heard that.

Melody still familiar after all those years.

Man looked around, searching for the source of it, and he saw some small restaurant. He entered it, forgetting about everything, as if he was enchanted.

At first, he thought that maybe he misheard, but the closer he was getting, the more sure he was becoming that it was it.

And then he saw man sitting at the piano, and he knew he was right.

Elliot was playing the song that Leo wrote for him, all those years ago. He was here, and was playing it, even despite the fact that Baskerville took the music sheets away. And when he finished, he raised his gaze from the keys. His eyes somehow met Leo's, who was standing in the middle of the small crowd that was now clapping, and he smiled.

Leo felt his eyes filling with tears, but he wiped them away quickly. He didn't want to cry in front of Elliot.

Young artist bowed and got from the scene. Some people were getting to him, to clap him on the shoulder, or to tell him he was great. But soon they realised that he was trying to get to a certain person and let him go.

Nightray stood in front of him, and he looked almost the same as Leo remembered him.

"Hi," he managed.

"Hey. It's probably stupid of me to approach you, when you probably don't even remember me, but..."

Leo opened his mouth to tell him that he couldn't ever forget him. No matter what he tried to do, and how many years passed, Elliot was always in his memory.

But man didn't let him, cutting him off with his next words.

"You helped me something about four years ago, in Sablier. You got me to the hospital after I got beat up, and I think you knew my older brother, Gilbert? I never really thanked you for that."

Leo wanted nothing more than to just turn around and run away. Or fell to the ground and stay there, not moving, for all eternity. Being hit by a bus didn't sound bad, either. It would sure hurt less than that.

He didn't know how he managed to answer quietly.

"There's no need. I would do the same for anyone."

"You just go around, helping beat up guys? You seem very noble... Um, sorry, I don't even remember your name."

"It's not important," Leo smiled, ignoring the feeling of his heart being squeezed really hard. "I'm glad I could help though. Just try not to get into any more fights, okay?"

Nightray laughed, and it felt as if someone punched all air from his lungs.

"I won't, I'm a good boy now."

Leo nodded, and turned to leave, but something made him ask.

"That song..."

"Oh, you liked that?" Baskerville turned to look at Elliot's face. "I composed it myself. It's called" _Lacie._ "Lacie."

He tried really hard to not let any real emotions show up on his face.

"It's beautiful."

"Thank you!"

Elliot smiled at him one last time, and Leo couldn't handle it anymore.

He turned and left.


End file.
